It's rather embarassing to admit that one has bad habits, but it's a rare person that doesn't have a few. I know I certainly do.

Since I believe that our habits add up to become the sum of our life, I really want to change my bad habits. Easier said than done, but here's an approach that can help.

In order to break a bad habit (or develop a good habit) there has to be a more inspiring reason than “it’s bad for me” or “I should” or “I shouldn’t do it”. One way to do that is to connect your habit change to your personal definition of success.

Try completing the following sentence three times:

I know I’m being successful when…

What you've just done is to define the three things in life that you value most.

Here’s an example. A coaching client wanted to change his exercise habits. He had tried many times without success. I asked him to define his personal definitions of success, and one of his three statements was “I know I’m being successful when I am enjoying time with my family”.

I then asked him “how does exercising fit in with your value of spending time with your family?”

BINGO! The answer was obvious to him: “If I exercise I will live a longer and healthier life and be able to see my grandchildren grow up”.

Suddenly sticking to an exercise program was more than a “should” or even a “want”; it became a “desire” because he could see the link to his greatest value.

What about you? Do you have bad habits you're ready to let go of? Could linking them to your personal definitions of success help you?

"I once read a proverb that said if you lead a meaningful life, you never really die. Instead, you break into 1,000 pieces, each of which stay alive within the people whose lives you've touched along the way.

I am fooling only myself when I say my mother exists now only in the photograph on my bulletin board or in the outline of my hand or in the armful of memories I still hold tight. She lives on in everything I do. Her presence influenced who I was, and her absence influences who I am. Our lives are shaped as much by those who leave us as they are by those who stay. Loss is our legacy. Insight is our gift. Memory is our guide."

~ Hope Edelman ~
American author

from Rey Carr's newsletter "Peer Resources"

One of the things I dislike most in the world is entertaining. And yet today, I am having 16 people over to my house for a birthday party. And I'm happy about it.

What? Isn't that a huge contradiction?

Let me explain. Yes, it's true that I dislike entertaining. I'm an introvert by nature and entertaining makes me very anxious. It also exhausts me emotionally.

So why do I do it? To give a good time to my family and friends. Today, for example, is my elderly aunt's birthday. She's a widow and her only daughter lives quite far away. I wanted my aunt to feel really special on her birthday. So I invited the whole extended family and am making a special afternoon tea for her.

Not only will my aunt feel special, but I know my mom (my aunt's sister) feels proud that I am doing this.

I think about these two women who have hosted countless birthday parties, Easter celebrations, and Christmas feasts over the years...and it seems only fitting that they now get to be hosted.

So that's why I'm happy about doing something I dislike.

Note added May 9, 2007: This article was chosen to be included in the Carnivals of Miracles.